Why Is It So Hard to Put Yourself Out There? (And How the Enneagram Can Help)

Self-promotion. Showing up fully. Putting yourself out there. These phrases might make you think of launching a business, creating a social media post, or giving a big presentation—but it’s so much more than that.

To “put yourself out there” is to make yourself seen. It’s about stepping into your truth, sharing your voice, and daring to occupy space in a world that often asks us to shrink. It’s not just about selling a product or marketing a service; it’s about showing up in life. 

It’s raising your hand in a meeting. It’s saying yes to an opportunity even though you’re nervous. It’s expressing what you need in a relationship or letting yourself be vulnerable with someone you care about.

And yet, it’s one of the hardest things we do. Putting yourself out there means facing the fear of rejection, judgment, and failure. It requires you to confront that inner voice that says, What if I’m not enough? What if they don’t like me? It challenges you to believe that your story, your ideas, and your presence matter—not just to others but to yourself.

This isn’t just a business problem; it’s a life problem. And it’s a deeply human one.

The Enneagram offers a way to understand why this feels so hard—and how we can move through it. Each of the nine types experiences this challenge differently, rooted in their core fears, motivations, and patterns. By understanding your type, you can uncover the unique barriers holding you back and embrace a way forward that feels authentic and empowering.

Here’s how each type struggles with putting themselves out there—and the steps they can take to find confidence, clarity, and success, in both life and work.

Type 1: The Perfectionist

Driven by integrity and excellence.

The Problem: Perfectionism. You hold yourself to impossibly high standards, fearing that anything less than perfect will invite criticism or diminish your credibility. You might spend so much time refining your message or delivery that you never actually put it out there. Self-promotion feels risky because it means others might see the cracks you work so hard to hide.

Your Narrative: You’re constantly thinking, I have to get this just right. If it’s not perfect, what’s the point? You see the flaws in everything, including yourself, and it’s exhausting. You worry that others will notice what you see: the mistakes, the gaps, the imperfections. And yet, you want to share your work because you know it’s valuable. The tension feels overwhelming.

Example: Imagine you’re preparing to promote a new workshop. Instead of waiting until every detail is perfect, commit to sharing it as a “draft” or a “work-in-progress.” Send the invite to a trusted group of people first, collect feedback, and tweak as you go. This builds momentum and reminds you that progress matters more than perfection.

Steps to Overcome:

1. Redefine “perfect”: Perfection is a moving target. Focus on doing your best in the moment, not achieving an impossible ideal.

2. Shift your focus: Instead of obsessing over flaws, think about the value your work brings to others.

3. Take small, imperfect steps: Practice sharing something “unfinished” to prove to yourself that the world doesn’t end when things aren’t perfect.

Your Affirmation: “My best effort in this moment is enough. I don’t need to be perfect to make an impact.”

Type 2: The Helper

Warm, giving, and people-focused.

• The Problem: Self-promotion feels self-centered. You worry that talking about yourself or your work will come off as selfish or manipulative, and the idea of rejection is especially painful. Instead, you focus on others, often to the point of neglecting your own needs or opportunities.

• Narrative: Your inner voice whispers, What if they don’t see my heart? What if they think I’m just trying to get something from them? You long to connect with others, but putting yourself out there feels unnatural—like you’re asking for attention instead of offering care.

• Example: Let’s say you’re launching a community initiative. Instead of framing it as your project, focus on how it will serve the community. Highlight the benefits for others while still giving yourself credit for leading the way.

• Steps to Overcome:

  1. Reframe self-promotion: See it as an extension of your giving nature. Sharing your work allows you to help more people.

  2. Celebrate your worth: Remind yourself that your voice and contributions matter, even when they don’t directly “help” someone.

  3. Practice balanced boundaries: Promote your work without overextending yourself or seeking constant validation.

• Affirmation: “I deserve to be seen and heard. Sharing my gifts allows me to serve in bigger, more meaningful ways.”

Type 3: The Achiever

Success-driven and image-conscious.

The Problem: You tie your self-worth to how others perceive your success. Self-promotion feels essential, but the fear of failure—or even looking like you’re failing—can stop you from showing up authentically. You may over-polish your image, which can feel exhausting and hollow.

Your Narrative: You think, If I’m not successful, who am I? You’re driven to succeed, but deep down, there’s a fear that you’re only as good as your last accomplishment. The pressure to keep up appearances can make self-promotion feel like a performance rather than a genuine expression of who you are.

Example: You’re preparing a social media campaign for your business. Instead of aiming for perfection, try sharing a behind-the-scenes post about a challenge you’ve overcome. Your audience will connect with your honesty and perseverance.

Steps to Overcome:

1. Focus on authenticity: Let people see the real you, not just the polished version.

2. Detach from outcomes: Your worth isn’t tied to likes, applause, or external success.

3. Celebrate effort, not results: Acknowledge yourself for showing up and doing the work, no matter the outcome.

Your Affirmation: “I am more than my achievements. Showing up as my authentic self is my greatest success.”

Type 4: The Individualist

Authentic, creative, and introspective.

The Problem: You want to be seen for who you truly are, but the fear of being misunderstood or dismissed holds you back. Self-promotion feels deeply personal, and you struggle to share your work until it feels “perfect” or completely unique.

Your Narrative: You think, What if they don’t get it? What if I’m just another voice in the crowd? You want to connect deeply with others, but the vulnerability of putting yourself out there feels overwhelming.

Example: Imagine you’re an artist preparing to showcase your work. Instead of waiting until you feel fully “ready,” start by sharing one piece with a small group. Talk about the story behind it and let your passion shine through.

Steps to Overcome:

1. Find your audience: Remember that you don’t need to connect with everyone—just the people who truly resonate with your work.

2. Embrace imperfection: Perfection isn’t the goal. Authenticity is.

3. Reconnect with your why: Focus on the deeper purpose behind your work to push through fear.

Your Affirmation: “My voice and vision matter. I don’t need to be perfect to inspire others.”

Type 5: The Investigator

Curious, analytical, and reserved.

The Problem: You often feel like you don’t “know enough” or aren’t ready to share your expertise. Self-promotion can feel intrusive or overly vulnerable, as you value privacy and guard your energy. You may also struggle with connecting emotionally, making self-promotion feel like a performance rather than a genuine expression.

Your Narrative: Your thoughts sound like, What if someone asks a question I can’t answer? What if I’m not as knowledgeable as I think I am? You value your independence and mastery but hesitate to share your work, fearing it might expose gaps in your knowledge or drain your limited energy.

Example: Imagine you’re writing a blog about a topic you’ve researched extensively. Instead of waiting until you’ve mastered every angle, write a post sharing three key insights you’ve learned so far. By focusing on what you do know, you’ll gain confidence and start building connections with your audience.

Steps to Overcome:

1. Start small: Share something you feel comfortable with, even if it’s just a fraction of what you know.

2. Reframe vulnerability: See sharing your work as a way to teach and engage, not as a risk to your privacy.

3. Engage emotionally: Practice connecting with your audience by sharing how you feel about your work or what excites you about it.

Your Affirmation: “I am knowledgeable and capable. Sharing my expertise is a gift to others and a way to grow myself.”

Type 6: The Loyalist

Committed, cautious, and questioning.

The Problem: You struggle with self-doubt and often seek reassurance before taking action. The idea of self-promotion can feel overwhelming because it exposes you to potential rejection or uncertainty, both of which are difficult to manage. You may also worry about coming across as overly pushy or insincere.

Your Narrative: Your inner dialogue sounds like, What if people don’t like what I’m offering? What if I make the wrong impression? You want to promote yourself, but the risks feel daunting. You overthink every scenario and hesitate, waiting for the “right” moment that never comes.

Example: Let’s say you’re offering consulting services. Instead of waiting to feel completely confident, start by reaching out to someone you trust for feedback on your messaging. Then take the leap and share it with a broader audience, knowing that uncertainty is part of the process.

Steps to Overcome:

1. Build self-trust: Remind yourself that you’ve prepared enough to take the next step.

2. Take calculated risks: Start small and build momentum as you gain confidence.

3. Accept uncertainty: Growth happens outside of your comfort zone—trust the process.

Your Affirmation: “I am capable of handling challenges. My voice and work deserve to be seen, even in uncertainty.”

Type 7: The Enthusiast

Optimistic, adventurous, and future-focused.

The Problem: You love brainstorming and starting new projects but often struggle with follow-through. Self-promotion can feel like a chore or a trap, especially if it requires consistency or doesn’t feel exciting. You may avoid putting yourself out there because it feels like you’re committing to something that might limit your freedom.

Narrative: You think, What if this locks me into something I don’t want to do long-term? What if I lose interest? You thrive on enthusiasm and new ideas, but self-promotion requires focus and consistency, which can feel restrictive.

Example: Suppose you’re launching a product. Instead of overwhelming yourself with an elaborate campaign, create a playful, engaging post sharing what excites you about the product. Keep it simple and fun so it aligns with your natural energy.

Steps to Overcome:

1. Simplify your focus: Choose one thing to promote and commit to it for a set period.

2. Schedule your efforts: Set realistic goals for consistent promotion, even when the novelty wears off.

3. Find joy in the process: Make self-promotion an adventure—use your creativity to keep it fresh and exciting.

Your Affirmation: “I can balance freedom and focus. Sharing my ideas allows me to create the life I want.”

Type 8: The Challenger

Bold, confident, and protective.

The Problem: You’re naturally confident, but self-promotion can feel like giving others power over you, which you dislike. You fear vulnerability and may avoid putting yourself out there in ways that require you to rely on others or open up emotionally.

Narrative: You think, I don’t want to rely on anyone else to succeed. What if they don’t get it—or worse, try to control me? You’re fiercely independent, but this can lead to resistance in situations where collaboration or vulnerability is necessary.

Example: Let’s say you’re launching a program. Instead of trying to do it all yourself, reach out to a trusted peer for feedback or partnership. Sharing your passion with someone else can amplify your impact without compromising your independence.

Steps to Overcome:

1. Own your vulnerability: Acknowledge that needing others doesn’t make you weak—it makes you human.

2. Focus on your passion: Let your excitement for your work shine through—it’s contagious.

3. Trust your strength: Remember that you can handle whatever comes your way, including criticism or rejection.

Your Affirmation: “I am strong and capable. Sharing my work is an act of courage and connection.”

Type 9: The Peacemaker

Harmonious, accepting, and adaptable.

The Problem: You may feel like your voice doesn’t matter or worry that self-promotion will create conflict. It’s easier to stay in the background than risk disrupting the peace. You often underestimate the value of your contributions, leading to hesitation in putting yourself out there.

Narrative: Your inner thoughts sound like, Why would anyone care what I have to say? What if I upset someone by speaking up? You tend to shrink back, but deep down, you want to be seen and heard—you just don’t know how to do it without rocking the boat.

Example: Imagine you’re preparing to share your writing online. Instead of worrying about how it will be received, focus on sharing it with a small, supportive group first. Let their encouragement remind you of the value of your voice.

Steps to Overcome:

1. Affirm your value: Practice reminding yourself, “What I say and do matters.”

2. Take small steps: Start by sharing your work in safe spaces before expanding to larger audiences.

3. Lean into discomfort: Growth requires stepping out of your comfort zone—trust that you’re ready.

Your Affirmation: “My voice matters. I can share my work with confidence, knowing it brings value to the world.”

Seen, Heard, and Empowered

Putting yourself out there isn’t about performing for others or trying to fit into someone else’s expectations—it’s about showing up fully as yourself. It’s about sharing your voice, your ideas, and your presence in ways that honor your unique gifts and values. Whether it’s in your personal life, your relationships, or your professional world, putting yourself out there is an act of courage and self-trust.

By understanding your Enneagram type, you gain insight into the barriers that hold you back—not so you can change who you are, but so you can move forward in a way that feels aligned with your true self. This isn’t about being perfect or fearless; it’s about daring to take up space and recognizing that your story, your presence, and your contributions matter.

It isn’t easy—but it’s worth it. The world doesn’t need a polished, inauthentic version of you. It needs the real you: imperfect, evolving, and deeply valuable. Trust that showing up authentically is the first step to building deeper connections, finding success on your terms, and living fully in alignment with who you are.

P.S.: Sorry this post is so long… but it had to be! This topic is just too important to keep short. Thanks for sticking with me—you deserve to show up fully as yourself.