Why Are You Letting a 5-Year-Old Run Your Life?

If a five-year-old knocked on your door and insisted on making all your life decisions—what to say in meetings, how to handle conflict, whether or not to take risks—would you let them? Probably not. The thing is: many of us are doing just that without even realizing it.

How we react to stress, relationships, and even success is often driven by habits we picked up as kids. Back then, we learned to survive, to navigate the world in ways that made sense for our younger selves. Maybe you learned to keep the peace at all costs, to toughen up and never show weakness, or to make yourself useful so you'd feel valued. These strategies worked then. But are they still working now?

The Enneagram: A Mirror to Your Patterns

For me, discovering the Enneagram wasn’t just about understanding my personality—it was about realizing that a younger version of me had been quietly running the show - that little girl whose daddy left when she was four, who had multiple ill-equipped “daddies” rotating in and out.  The little girl who took it all on - the blame, the shame, and the weight of it all.

The Enneagram helps you see what has been shaping your decisions, your strengths, and even your struggles. It reveals blind spots you didn’t even know you had and highlights the core motivations that drive you.

I had spent years reacting to life in ways that once kept me safe but were now quietly sabotaging me. As someone who leads from Type 4, I often got lost in my emotions, holding onto past wounds and feeling like I had to prove my uniqueness. Other types experience this in their own way: a Type 1 may struggle with perfectionism, a Type 6 might lean too heavily on worry and doubt, and a Type 9 could avoid conflict at all costs. Each type has strengths, but also patterns that keep them stuck if they aren’t aware of them.

Taking Back the Keys with Awareness

Once I saw these patterns clearly through the Enneagram, I could finally do something about them. Instead of just reacting the way I always had, I could stop, take a breath, and ask myself: Is this five-year-old me responding? Or is this the adult me, who knows better, has more experience, and actually gets a say in the matter?

That shift opened my eyes.

It wasn’t instant, and it wasn’t magic—but the awareness changed everything. I began to catch myself in old patterns, noticing when that younger version of me wanted to take control. With intention, I started choosing different responses, shifting my habits, and adjusting my words and actions.

I pictured my younger self—small but mighty, carrying the weight of figuring things out, making sure I was safe. I knelt down, met her eyes, and said: “Thank you. You’ve done enough. I’ve got this now.”

And from that moment forward, I committed to leading my life with awareness, using the Enneagram as a guide to help me recognize when old habits tried to take over.

The Enneagram Helps You See the Bigger Picture

If you feel like you keep hitting the same walls, struggling with the same habits, or reacting in ways that don’t make sense, maybe it’s time to check who’s really in charge. The Enneagram provides a clear map of your tendencies, both good and bad, and offers a way forward. It helps you recognize when you’re leading from fear, reactivity, or outdated survival strategies—and it shows you the strengths and wisdom you can access when you step into your full self.

The Enneagram isn’t about changing who you are. It’s about reclaiming who you were meant to be.

And that starts with thanking the younger you for all their hard work—while stepping forward as the person you are now, fully aware, fully present, and fully in charge.

Diana