Why Am I Like This? And Other Honest Questions About Self-Awareness

Self-awareness isn’t fancy. It’s three simple moves:

1. Notice what’s happening inside me.

2. Notice how I’m landing on other people.

3. Choose my next move on purpose.

That’s it. Not perfection. Not self-blame. Just ownership. It brings two big gifts: responsibility that feels clean and guidance that keeps you steady when life tilts.

What it is not

• Not beating yourself up.

• Not overthinking every blink and breath.

• Not trying to be a different person.
  It’s more like checking your mirrors while you drive so you don’t clip the the car next to you.

I was in my early twenties…a young mother when I started intentionally learning about myself.  I wanted to do things differently as a parent.  I wanted to understand who I was and why I did what I did.  I learned so much about myself….and I still am.

A quick personal story

Years ago, I shared a house with two “friend” roommates. Roommate #1 was super clean and a little energetic rabbit. She reorganized our kitchen to her system, cleaned over our clean, and made little comments under her breath about how we did things. I loved her then, and I love her now. She is funny, witty, and still one of my closest friends. Living with her for a while was...so much fun…most of the time.

Roommate #2 exploded at Roommate #1 and used “we” statements that included me. I felt guilty because I had added to the negative energy at times. Yep, that’s right, Roommate #2 and I would occasionally complain about Roommate #1 to each other.  That blowup, though, got all of our attention. I felt SO bad.  We had hurt our friend, Roommate #1. Part of me tried to justify, because Roommate 2 wasn’t entirely wrong, and I had tried to talk with Roommate #1 about her actions to no avail. 

However, when I reflected on the situation, I clearly saw that I had responsibility in how this all went down…my words, my actions. I apologized to both, especially to roommate #1. That is not the person I chose to be. We had some honest conversations that weren’t easy, but in the end, we all came out better people and truer friends because of it.

What changed:

• We named the real issue out loud and set simple house norms.

• I owned my part, letting go of my excuses.

• We repaired and moved on.
  We made it through and we’re still great friends. That moment taught me to check my impact sooner. Proud to say I haven’t repeated that pattern.

Clarity takeaway: self-awareness is noticing the icky feeling early, owning your piece, and resetting before the kitchen turns into a courtroom.

Three real-life scenarios where self-awareness changes everything

1) The friend who is always late

What it looks like: Janelle rolls in at least 30 minutes late with a big smile and a story. Friends are kind, but stop trusting her timing.
What it costs: Cold food, frayed plans, thinner friendship.

Self-aware moment: A friend says, We love you. Waiting feels like we don’t matter. Janelle realizes her time optimism is an impact, not a quirk.

Small moves that work

• Build a buffer. Set departure alarms 30 minutes earlier than your brain wants. Shoes by the door. Gas the night before.

• Tell the truth. Say, “I left too late”, not “traffic was bad”.

• Repair in real time. I’m sorry I kept you waiting. You matter to me. Next time, I’ll text 30 minutes ahead if I’m off track.

Say this instead of that

• Instead of I’m always late, it’s just me.
  Say I’m changing this because you matter, and reliability matters.

Being on time is my new love language.

2) The my-way-or-the-highway leader

What it looks like: Marcus is generous and brilliant. He is also intimidating. Meetings turn into monologues. People stop sharing ideas. They know that he will shut them down and go to his own ideas. At home, he’s equally as pushy; he gives a TED Talk about the dishwasher or anything else he thinks you need to learn..

What it costs: Quiet teams, resentful partners, missed solutions, no synergy.

Self-aware moment: A teammate says, When you speak first and loudest, the room shuts down. Marcus finally stops and hears the silence and realizes it’s about safety, respect, and trust, not about him showing how much he knows.

Small moves that work

• Two-minute pause before speaking. Ask first: What am I not seeing?

• Safety opener. I have a view, and I might be wrong. I want two other perspectives before mine.

• Swap control for clarity. Set outcomes and let people choose the path.

• Clean repair. I pushed too hard. Next time, I’ll ask before I direct.

Say this instead of that

• Instead of “Do it my way”.
  Say “Here’s the outcome. How would you get us there?”

Marcus says his new superpower is an indoor voice. The team laughs...and actually talks.

3) The person who won’t say how they feel

What it looks like: Priya says she’s fine while slamming a drawer. She ignores a text, moves a shared mug, vents to someone else later OR she may even think that she really is just fine when in reality, she is not..
What it costs: Confusion, distance, slow-burning resentment.

Self-aware moment: Her partner asks, Do you want me to guess or do you want to tell me. She hears herself deflect and realizes she’s making people mind-read.  She realizes that it’s okay to use her words and to communicate how she feels. Her voice matters too and she can’t expect others to know what she wants or needs.

Small moves that work

• One true sentence. When X happened, I felt Y. I want Z.

• Tolerate the awkward. Your body may shake. Breathe and keep going.

• Set small boundaries. I’m not up for that this weekend. I can do Tuesday for two hours.

• Schedule a real talk. One weekly check-in where both people share feelings and plans.

Say this instead of that

• Instead of “It’s nothing”,
  Say “When you changed the plan without me, I felt brushed aside. Next time, please check with me first.”

Priya retired from Olympic-level hinting and took her power back.  Life got quieter and kinder.

What the journey looks like vs. when it’s missing

When self-awareness is alive

• You pause before you pounce.

• You ask, What is my part.

• Authentic apologies are short and clean, and your behavior actually changes.

• Feedback stings, but you use it to move forward intentionally..

• People relax around you because they trust you to own your impact and take responsibility for your words and actions..

When it’s missing

• Same argument, different day.

• Everyone else is the problem.

• You explain more than you repair.

• Your body is loud with stress. Tight jaw. Shallow breath.

• People walk on eggshells or stop inviting you in.

• You feel powerless.

Spot it. Reflect. Move.

Spot

• Body alarms: hot face, knotted stomach, racing thoughts. Tears

• Repeat flags: more than one person mentions your tone or timing. That isn’t a conspiracy. That’s data.

Reflect

• On paper, answer four lines: What happened? What did I feel? What did I do? How did that land on them?

• Circle the one thing you control next time.

Move

• Say one true sentence today.

• Make one small plan you can keep. Buffer your calendar, add a meeting opener, set a weekly check-in.

• Repair one thing. I’m sorry for my tone. Next time, I will pause and ask. Can we reset?

Clarity to carry

• Self-awareness isn’t about being hard on yourself. It’s about being honest with yourself.

• It gives you a steady inner compass and helps the people you love feel safe with you.

• It saves time, money, and energy because you stop paying the quiet tax of repeating the same mistake.

If you see yourself in Janelle, Marcus, or Priya, good. That means you’re already awake. Pick one small change and start today. Your people will feel it. So will you.

With you,

Diana
Love is ALL there is