Still Making Friends After 50: Myths, Truths, and a Little Hope

Do you make new friends easily as an adult?

Making friends as we age can feel somewhere between mildly awkward and downright impossible. It’s not like we’re hanging out in college dorms or waiting at the elementary school pick-up line anymore. We’ve lived a lot of life. We’ve gained and lost people along the way. And whether it’s because we’ve moved, outgrown one another, had our values shift, or just drifted apart, it’s normal…but not always easy.

The truth is, I’ve let go of a lot of friendships and a few let go of me. One ended with a bang, but most ended with a slow fade. I don’t carry bitterness, just a quiet knowing that we were part of each other’s lives for a season…and I’m grateful for them. 

One dear friend from high school canceled plans the night before my weekend visit. It stung. Even though I’ve reached out a few times since with no response from her, I made peace with it. Still, I paused when I noticed I missed her call today while writing this, of all things. After a year of silence, it felt oddly timed. I was curious, grateful… maybe even a little hopeful. Friendship is complicated like that.

And yes, I did call Debbie back.  And when I heard her voice and we began talking, it was like she was right here in my living room drinking a cup of tea with me. No time. No space. Just us.

Life happens. We get busy, distracted, emotionally fried. The energy in our world has changed, and everyone’s navigating it differently. I could have made up a rejection story, slammed the emotional door, and decided I didn’t care.

But sometimes a simple "yes" to something new opens the door right back up.

I live in a different state now. I know maybe five people here. Last month, I said yes to a local paint party. I went solo. Figured, why not? Even with my very very limited painting skills, I had a blast. I talked to strangers, peeked at everyone’s canvases, and chatted with a warm, open-hearted woman and her two adult daughters…skilled artists, all three. At the end of the night, she handed me her card. We emailed. And now, we’ve planned to meet for lunch this weekend. She lives about an hour away. I don’t know what will come of it, but I’m genuinely looking forward to it. Wish me luck.

And then there’s Ali.

We met a couple years ago during a year-long training that included some deeply immersive weekend retreats. I noticed her right away…those soulful eyes that held both wisdom and heartbreak. We didn’t just click. We saw each other. That rare kind of “I get you” connection that doesn’t come around often.

Since then, we’ve met on Zoom every week—sharing stories, creating magical things together, holding space for all the messy, beautiful, soul-stretching parts of life. She’s authentic, spiritual, brilliant, and strong as hell. I adore her. And this week, I get to wish her a happy birthday. Ali, if you’re reading this: I’m so extremely grateful you exist and we’re spinning in the same magnificent orbit.

So why am I sharing all this?

Because somewhere along the way, someone decided to start a rumor that making friends as an adult is hard. That it’s weird or awkward or not worth the effort. And that rumor stuck. I fell for it too.

But let me say this loud and clear: that’s a load of crapola dressed up as truth.

What really gets in the way is the story we tell ourselves…that it’s too late, that we’re too old, too different, too introverted, too busy, too whatever.

And yes, I’m an introvert who can occasionally go to the light of the extrovert. I don’t love small talk. I can only take so much social interaction before I need to crawl back into my cozy cocoon. But I love people. I love positive energy and adventure.  I love deep, meaningful conversations and those rare moments where I can just be with someone who gets it—someone who sees my light and lets me see theirs.

Research actually backs this up. According to studies, the most effective ways to make new friends as adults include:

• Shared experiences (join a class, group, or event where you naturally interact)

• Consistency (keep showing up—it takes 40-60 hours to form a casual friendship, and over 200 for a close one)

• Vulnerability (friendship deepens through openness, not perfection)

• Reciprocity (both people need to want the connection—it can’t be one-sided)

  None of that requires you to be the loudest person in the room. It just asks you to be you.

So if you’ve been craving connection, you’re not alone. If you’ve been telling yourself it’s too late, I promise—it’s not. Whether it's a Zoom call across a few states or a spontaneous paint party close to home, friendship can show up in the most unexpected places. But we have to stay open to it. We have to believe it’s still possible…and we have to take the steps to get ourselves out there.

And maybe most importantly, we have to remember: having a few people in your corner who _really get you_…who laugh with you, cry with you, and love you exactly as you are…is one of life’s greatest gifts.

Let’s not give up on that.

Diana

Love is ALL there is.