Self-Sabotage, Snacks, and the Art of Choosing Better

The other night, I was finishing up a coaching call, and as often happens, we got to talking about our health journeys. My client, Theresa, and I had both lost some weight, but lately, we’d hit a standstill. No progress. Frustrated. Struggling to make good choices.

It had been a heavy week. The day before, I was already feeling disappointed in my webinar performance when I got heartbreaking news - one friend had passed away, and another, much younger, had taken his own life. My heart shattered. I felt the weight of it all pressing down.

Then, the next morning, I picked up my grocery order. And that’s when I noticed something.

Junk food. The kind I never buy. Somehow, in the haze of my grief and stress, I had added all sorts of things to my online cart - things I didn’t even really want, but things my old patterns reached for when the world felt too much.  My stress brain went on a full snack run without telling the rest of me.

The difference now days? I saw it.

Then vs. Now: The Shift in Awareness

Years ago, I might not have noticed. I would have eaten my feelings, felt guilty, maybe started the whole “I’ll do better Monday” cycle. But this time, I recognized what was happening. My body wasn’t craving chips or sweets - it was craving comfort. My heart needed soothing, not sugar.

That doesn’t mean I don’t struggle. I still feel the pull of old habits when stress knocks me sideways. But now, I can catch it in real-time - or at least before I’ve eaten an entire bag of Skittles Jelly Beans (after all, it’s all most Easter, right?). 

And that awareness of old patterns? That’s everything.

The Many Ways We Cope (It’s Not Just Food)

My coaching client and I got deep into this. We both realized how, when we were younger, we didn’t even know what self-love looked like. We thought we were taking care of ourselves and experiencing self love, but really, we were just doing what we thought we were supposed to do.

And when stress hit? We coped the best way we knew how - often in ways that weren’t actually helping.

Some people turn to food. Others throw themselves into work, binge-watch TV, doom-scroll social media, or shop online. We look for anything to distract ourselves from feeling the feelings - ways to soothe our soul.

The problem is, most of these things don’t actually make us feel better. They just numb the discomfort for a while.

So the question becomes: How do we comfort ourselves in ways that actually help?

Theresa’s Trick: The "What Else?" Method

Theresa shared something that really stuck with me:
When she finds herself wanting to eat when she’s not hungry, she has a list of things she intentionally chooses to do, and she’s written it on a large index card to help her stay on track when she is on the brink of falling off.  She gave me permission to share it with you.

“What else could I do right now?”

Instead of grabbing a snack, she runs through other options - things that might meet her emotional needs in a healthier way.

Theresa’s  list includes:

• Dance to You Tube 

• Go to work at the Chamber Offices

• Pick weeds - get outside

• Clean something/organize something

• Work on something creative

• Writing/Baby book

I loved this because it’s simple and practical. It reminds us that we always have choices. She inspired me to make my own list.

Diana’s List: 

• Going for a short walk (no matter if it’s raining)

• Processing while I play in my garden

• Stretching or doing deep breathing and/or drinking a glass of water or tea

• Listening to music that shifts my mood & dancing it out (thank you, Theresa!)

• Writing it out

• Take a hot bubble bath

More Ways to Shift Out of Self-Sabotage

Here are a few other strategies that help when we feel the urge to numb, escape, or self-sabotage:

1. The 90-Second Rule

Feelings come in waves, but they don’t last forever. Neuroscientist Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor found that emotions, when fully felt, last about 90 seconds before they pass.

So next time a stress craving hits, set a timer for 90 seconds. Breathe. Feel it. Let it move through you. By the time the timer goes off, the urge might be a lot weaker - or gone completely.

2. Change Your Environment

If stress eating (or any other habit) is triggered by where you are, move. Step outside. Go to another room. Physically shifting your space can disrupt automatic patterns.

3. Name It to Tame It

When we put emotions into words, they lose some of their intensity. Instead of mindlessly eating, scrolling, or numbing out, name what’s really going on:

_“I’m not hungry, I’m sad.”
__“I’m overwhelmed and need a break.”
_“I feel like I failed today, and I want comfort.”

When we name it, we can address the real need instead of just reacting. 

4. Ask: What Do I Actually Need?

Sometimes, we reach for food when what we really need is…

 ✔ Rest
✔ Hydration
✔ Connection
✔ Movement
✔ Laughter
✔ A good cry

Checking in with what our body and heart actually need can help us make a choice that supports us instead of sabotaging us.

5. The Two-Minute Pause

Before making an impulsive decision (ordering fast food, scrolling, snapping at someone), try pausing for just two minutes. Take a breath and ask:

"Will this choice actually help me feel better? Or will it just distract me?"

Even if you still make the same choice, the pause strengthens your awareness muscle. Over time, it makes a big difference.

Choosing Ourselves - For Real This Time

This is where self-love comes in. Not the fluffy kind. The real, deep, messy kind.

Loving ourselves doesn’t mean we suddenly make perfect choices. It means we recognize the choices we’re making, understand why we’re making them, and forgive ourselves when we slip. It means seeing ourselves fully - warts and all - and choosing to be kind anyway.

When I saw my grocery haul, I didn’t beat myself up. I didn’t double down on the junk out of guilt. I just made a different choice. I passed the unhealthy food along to someone else who would enjoy it, and I reminded myself:

I am allowed to feel sadness without needing to “fix” it with food.

Because self-love isn’t just about what we eat. It’s about how we care for ourselves when life gets hard. It’s about catching those moments of self-sabotage and gently steering ourselves back toward what actually helps.

It’s a practice. A daily one. And we won’t always get it right. But the more we choose ourselves - truly choose ourselves - the easier it becomes to recognize when we’re not. 

Self-love is choosing ourselves, again and again, even in small ways.

And that, right there, is how growth happens.

Diana