The Power of the Pause (and Why It Might Just Save Your Relationships)

I’ve always had a bit of a know-it-all streak. Not really the braggy kind...more the impatient “let’s move this along, I already know what you’re going to say” kind. I’ve interrupted more conversations than I care to admit, not because I didn’t care, but because I thought I could save time. I’d jump ahead to the part where I was “right,” or where I could offer the solution, or where we could wrap things up with a tidy little bow and move on.

But it doesn’t really work like that...especially with people you love.

The Day I Finally Shut Up

A while back, my daughter and I were planning an exciting event together. The kind of thing that should’ve been all fun and high energy, but like a lot of intense planning between passionate people, it got complicated. I thought this and she thought _tha_t…and we didn’t talk about it. We each just let it sit and grow until it was bothering both of us.  

Then, finally, one day I brought it up, and something she said caught me totally off guard. It hurt. And that familiar voice in my head started revving up:

“Wow, she doesn’t get it.”
“She’s being disrespectful.”
“You need to shut this down right now.”

I could feel myself inching toward that edge...ready to say something sharp or definitive that would hurt her or make her furious. I could have had some really good comebacks - been there, done that.. 

But instead, I took a breath. I paused. I actually said, out loud, “Give me a minute. I need to get clear about what I want to say.”

That pause changed everything.

What the Pause Gave Me

In that tiny space, I recognized the old familiar pull...my impulse to control the conversation, to redirect the energy, to “win” whatever was unfolding. But more than that, I realized I wasn’t speaking from the grounded, wise part of myself. I was speaking from a wounded one...a much younger version of me who, in that moment, felt rejected.

That realization cracked something open. Instead of trying to be “right,” I got real.

I told her, “That hurt. I’m feeling kind of rejected right now, and I know that’s mine, not yours, to work through.”

She knows my story. She knows how my younger self got shaped. She softened immediately. “That’s not what I meant at all,” she said. And I believed her. The heat left the conversation. We kept talking, kept planning, and even though it wasn’t perfectly smooth, it was real, and we worked through it.

More importantly, we walked away with more trust. More confidence in each other. More proof that we can talk honestly and get through anything...even the messy stuff. We both know in our hearts that we love each other, and continuing our strong, AUTHENTIC relationship is important to both of us.

Strategy Isn’t Just for Work...It Starts in Your Words

We often think of communication as a soft skill. Something nice to have. But it’s actually a survival skill. At home. At work. In every space where human connection matters...and that’s EVERYWHERE.

I’ve had to learn (and relearn) this lesson in every setting: the kitchen, the boardroom, the Zoom room. Our relationships are our lives. Our ability to communicate...honestly, clearly, respectfully...is the thing that holds those relationships together. Or tears them apart.

Whether I’m talking to a friend, a client, a colleague, or my daughter, my tone, timing, and intention matter more than the words I pick. And how I show up in tough conversations tells people everything about who I am and whether they can trust me.

Yes, it’s scary at first. But once you experience what happens when you set your ego aside and speak from your truest self…that place rooted in love, peace, and a desire for a win-win—everything shifts. Your confidence grows. Your courage multiplies. Hard conversations become non-negotiable. And you get better and better at having them.

We Don’t Talk Like That Here

This isn’t about being perfect. It’s about deciding what’s okay...and what’s not okay...in the way we speak to each other.

Whether it’s a family dinner or a leadership meeting, you can feel when someone brings heat instead of clarity. Or when someone’s ego gets loud. Or when someone’s presence makes space for others to show up more honestly.

I started holding myself to a new internal standard a long while back:
We don’t talk like that here.

It doesn’t mean I don’t get frustrated. It doesn’t mean I don’t get it wrong sometimes. It means I’m aware and take responsibility of the atmosphere I’m creating with my voice, my reactions, and my willingness to pause before I speak.

5 Communication Habits That Actually Work (Even When Things Get Heated)

**1. Pause Before You Respond.
**The moment you feel triggered, pause. Even three seconds is enough to change direction. Say, “Give me a minute. I want to respond thoughtfully.” It feels awkward at first, but it works. Every time.

**2. Listen All the Way Through.
**Don’t just listen for what you want to hear...or for a break where you can jump in with your opinion. Listen to understand. Not to fix. Not to defend. Just listen. It’s harder than it sounds. It’s also rare...and incredibly powerful.

**3. Own Your Part.
**If you interrupt, snap, or roll your eyes...own it. No excuses, no justification. A simple “That wasn’t helpful, let me try again” can reset an entire conversation.

**4. Name What’s Underneath.
**If you’re feeling hurt, rejected, dismissed, or unseen...say that. Not with drama, just with clarity. You’d be surprised how often people soften when they realize they’ve touched something deeper in you.

**5. Set (or Reset) the Tone.
**If the energy is off, speak to it. In a team meeting, say: “Let’s slow this down...we’re veering off track.” In a personal conversation, say: “I don’t want us to hurt each other while trying to solve this.” It’s leadership. And it’s love.

What This Looks Like at Work

In professional spaces, we sometimes think emotional regulation and authentic communication are at odds. That if we’re too real, we’ll be seen as weak...or if we’re too soft, we won’t be respected.

But I’ve led enough teams and sat in enough high-pressure rooms to know: people respect clarity. They trust steadiness. And they crave psychological safety.

The best leaders I know pause before responding. They don’t rush to fill the silence. They model self-awareness in real time. They hold space for nuance and don’t use their authority to bulldoze the conversation. They know how to say hard things without heat...and how to listen when their ego is itching to jump in.

And those leaders? People will follow them through fire. Not because they’re perfect...but because they’re steady. Human. Real.

Final Thought

Communication is where relationships are made...or broken.

It’s not about big speeches or fancy language. It’s the little choices. The micro-moments. The breath before the response. The willingness to stay present even when we feel triggered. The courage to speak our truth without needing to win.

So the next time you're ready to fire off that perfect comeback or shut the whole thing down...pause.

You might still choose to say the hard thing. But you’ll say it from the part of you that’s wise. Not wounded.

And that’s the version of you the people in your life want. That’s the version they’ll trust. That’s the version that gets heard.

Love is ALL there is,

Diana