Letting Go by Loosening the Reins to Move Ahead

connection letting go self-reflection Dec 10, 2024

Letting go sounds so simple, doesn’t it? But when you’re juggling responsibilities, expectations, and the endless demands of life, it feels anything but simple.

I’ve been there.

Years ago, as a busy school leader and single mom, my life was one giant to-do list. Every day, I raced to check tasks off my list—managing school goals, running the household, and parenting my two kids. From the outside, it looked like I had everything under control. But inside? I was barely keeping my head above water.

The Breaking Point

The parent-teacher meeting stands out in my mind. A parent was pouring their heart out about their child’s struggles, and all I could think about was wrapping up the meeting quickly so I could move on to the next thing on my list. That realization hit me like a ton of bricks—I wasn’t fully present. And worse, this was my life’s passion…and I wasn’t really listening!

At home, my kids had started making jokes about my endless to-do lists. They’d read the notes I left for them every day—“Make your bed, do the dishes, reshingle the roof!”—and laugh about it. But under the jokes, I could feel the weight of what I was missing.

I loved my kids deeply but was so caught up in the grind that I wasn’t slowing down to enjoy them. Their quirks, personalities, unique moments…and yes, their silly jokes and laughter—were the things slipping through the cracks. And while I was proud of being a hardworking mom, I felt constantly stressed and rushed, like I was failing at being fully present in their lives.

Learning to Let Go

Something had to give. And for someone like me—who thrived on structure, goals, and achievement—letting go felt unnatural and inefficient. But I had to try.

The first step was loosening my grip. I didn’t stop caring about the goals, but I started looking at how I approached them. I took some time to determine what was most important in my life.

Instead of charging ahead, I started prioritizing relationships over rigid schedules.At work and at home, I made space to genuinely listen. I allowed certain meetings to take the time they needed, focusing on connection rather than just ticking boxes. And, shockingly, the world didn’t end if a task didn’t get done exactly when I planned it.

At home, I started making an effort to be present with my kids. I didn’t want them to just remember me as the mom with the never-ending checklist. I wanted to laugh with them, notice the small things about their day, and just be there.

And here’s the kicker: I even let them make their own lists sometimes, which were usually filled with “tasks” like, “Eat snacks. Watch TV. Be awesome.”

The Surprising Outcome

When I loosened the reins, I started to notice something incredible.

At work, those intentional moments of connection built stronger relationships with staff and parents. People felt heard and valued, which made everything run more smoothly. I wasn’t just managing tasks anymore—I was building trust and community.

At home, my kids started opening up more. They knew they had my full attention (okay, most of the time), and that strengthened our bond. I realized that the moments of laughter and connection with them mattered far more than whether the dishwasher was emptied right away.

And for me? I felt lighter. Less rushed. Less stressed. Letting go didn’t mean giving up—it meant creating space for what truly mattered.

What Might Each Enneagram Type Let Go Of?

Sometimes the things we need to let go of aren’t obvious. They can be subtle habits, beliefs, or patterns we’ve held onto for years, often without realizing how they’re holding us back. Here’s a look at what each Enneagram type might consider releasing to create more space for growth and connection:

Type 1: The Perfectionist

Letting go of the “invisible rulebook”: That mental list of “shoulds” dictating how you and everyone else ought to behave. What if you allowed yourself—and others—to be human, messy, and imperfect without judgment?
Example: Giving yourself permission to let the laundry pile up for a day while you enjoy an afternoon with friends or family, knowing that your worth isn’t tied to how “together” everything looks.

Type 2: The Helper

Letting go of the belief that you have to be needed to be loved: Your value doesn’t depend on how much you give or how many people rely on you.
Example: Saying “no” to taking on yet another responsibility, even if it feels uncomfortable, and instead using that time to rest, recharge, or pursue something for yourself.

Type 3: The Achiever

Letting go of the need to “win” at everything: Life isn’t a constant competition, and success doesn’t always mean being the best. Sometimes it’s about being present.
Example: Choosing not to post about an accomplishment on social media and instead savoring the personal joy of achieving it, without needing external validation.

Type 4: The Individualist

Letting go of the idea that you’re “missing something” to be complete: What if you embraced the idea that you are whole, just as you are, and didn’t need to keep searching for the elusive thing that will “fix” everything?
Example: Spending time appreciating what you have instead of comparing your life to an idealized vision of how it “should” feel or look.

Type 5: The Investigator

Letting go of the belief that you need to have all the answers before you act: You don’t have to know everything to take the next step—sometimes action is the only way to learn.
Example: Sharing your thoughts or ideas in a meeting, even if you feel you haven’t fully mastered the topic, trusting that your perspective is valuable.

Type 6: The Loyal Skeptic

Letting go of constant contingency planning: Life is uncertain, and no amount of preparation will make it 100% predictable. Trusting yourself to handle challenges as they arise can be liberating.
Example: Saying yes to an opportunity without overthinking every possible “what if” and instead focusing on the potential for growth and adventure.

Type 7: The Enthusiast

Letting go of the fear of missing out (FOMO): You don’t have to do everything to live a full, joyful life. Sometimes, choosing depth over breadth creates the most meaningful experiences.
Example: Committing to one project or relationship and fully immersing yourself in it, even if it means passing up other exciting opportunities.

Type 8: The Challenger

Letting go of the need to always be in control: True strength often comes from vulnerability and allowing others to share the load.
Example: Asking for help or stepping back in a conflict, trusting that things can resolve without your direct intervention.

Type 9: The Peacemaker

Letting go of the desire to avoid conflict at all costs: Your voice matters, and sharing your thoughts—even if it creates tension—can lead to deeper, more authentic relationships.
Example: Speaking up during a family discussion instead of deferring to others’ opinions, knowing that your perspective is just as valuable as theirs.

Your Turn: What Are You Holding Onto?

We all hold onto something tightly—whether it’s a need for control, perfection, or constant busyness. But sometimes, those things weigh us down more than they move us forward.

Take a moment to reflect:

What’s one thing you’re gripping so tightly that it’s keeping you from fully experiencing life?
What would happen if you loosened your grip, even just a little?

Letting go isn’t easy, but it’s a powerful step toward joy, connection, and growth.

Looking Ahead

As we step into 2025, it’s the perfect time to reflect on where we’ve been and where we want to go. Sometimes, the biggest breakthroughs come not from adding more to our plates, but from letting go of what no longer serves us.

Our upcoming year-long program is designed to help you do just that—and so much more. Together, we’ll dive into understanding the patterns that hold you back, discovering what motivates and drives you, and creating a clear path forward.

You’ll gain tools to:

Recognize and release blind spots.
Cultivate deeper self-awareness and resilience.
Build habits and relationships that align with your true self.

This isn’t about quick fixes. It’s about creating sustainable, meaningful change—personally and professionally.

We’ll be sharing more about the program soon, so stay tuned for upcoming details. For now, let’s start small. Take a deep breath, reflect, and ask yourself: what would loosening the reins look like for you?

Let’s begin this journey, one step at a time, together.

Love is ALL there is.

Diana