Finding My Way

Nov 10, 2021

Rumbling with my own unrealistic fear and trepidation is nothing new, but I thought that I had long overcome much of it. So…it was hardly recognizable to me when it reared its sly head during the pandemic.

Faith and love are very slowly pulling me out of this darkness I’ve experienced.

Faith shows up in many ways for me. This time, in the midst of pandemic fear, faith appeared as a “knowing” deep in my gut that everything was going to be okay.

I have learned that with time, intention and love, I can make it through just about anything. However, this time, I lollygagged in faithlessness for quite a while before I chose to listen, accept the truth of faith and take action to feel better and get my life back.

Losing confidence and trust did a number on me. While I have visited this fear place occasionally through my life, this prolonged stay bewildered me, had me questioning who I was and what I was living for.

Dazed and confused, my eating, sleep, work and daily routine was chaotic. I tried to stick with what I knew worked for me – prayer, meditation, books, reading, hiking and so on, but I didn’t seem to have the energy or motivation to follow through.

I missed my family, friends, neighbors…even strangers…but on the other hand, I didn’t want to talk with anyone because it seemed I didn’t have anything to positive to share. I withdrew. I was lonely. I was depressed.

Fortunately, I finally recognized that even though I was trying to pull myself out of this mindset and haphazardly carrying out some of my spiritual and well-being practices, I was failing miserably. My faith was dwindling. I needed support. That’s when I called Linda, my wise life coach.

We started with my spirituality because that is my center, and Linda helped me to remember and start the healing process.

It’s not the easiest thing to admit that I slowly lost faith. I’m choosing to see it like this – My faith faltered for awhile during a huge transition in this world of ours. As the world is transforming, so am I. I’m questioning who I currently am, who I choose to be and what my priorities are, what my world is and how I can contribute towards the good.

As Brene Brown says, I rumbled with my own, and my world’s, shitola. Sat in it for awhile. Believe it or not, that’s a good thing! Life changes. I change. We become better.

If I’m brave enough to feel all the feels, transform myself and make the daily effort to act with an open mind and an open heart, I’ll stay true to myself and make a positive difference. Love is ALL there is! It’s my truth!

I got up again, and I am humbly but tenaciously, strengthening my mind, body, emotional and spiritual wellbeing after a challenging fear-based response to the 2020 worldwide pandemic and the American political environment (see my previous blog post But I Get Up Again).

I am reminded not to take so many things for granted – friends, family, the energy of large groups of loving people, collaboration and responding to great ideas and the sparks of others, gentle physical touch and so many wonderful things.

I didn’t realize that I took my faith for granted, but I did. As a result, I am grateful for this re-gifting of faith and it’s now at the top of my daily gratitude journal.

Isn’t it a miracle that life gives us choices and provides opportunity to learn and love every single day!

Love (really) is ALL there is!

Diana

#gratitude #LoveisALLthereis #Igotyourback #IlearnIlearnIlearn

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