Don’t Pinch Babies!
All reptiles shed their skin and it happens at different frequencies depending on the species. It’s a thing, it happens whether they want it to or not. When they are healthy, the reptile has a complete shedding resulting in a new beginning of sorts.
We humans shed our skin continuously, it’s not necessarily “a thing” and we often don’t notice it.
Similarly, our psyche works to shed our emotional baggage and it continues through our life, our whole life, even when we’re over sixty. It’s okay to deal with really, really old baggage as it comes up. Face it. See it as it is. Come to terms with it. Let it go. Move forward a little lighter and more joyfully like a crab or snake or scorpion.
Processing our “shitola” is essential in growing into a healthier, happier version of ourselves. It doesn’t usually happen naturally; we make a conscious choice to go forward with it. This doesn’t imply that we’re living in the past or wallowing in our pain. It suggests we have the courage and determination to take a deeper look at something that may still be negatively affecting us, by reflecting upon it, making our way through it, and then releasing it with love.
It’s kind of crazy some of the old experiences and false assumptions I have subconsciously held onto and allowed to affect how I’ve shown up in life.
Recently one of my uncles died and I was thinking back on our history together. I remembered when my uncle first became a father and how excited I was at age seven to have a new cousin. He was a newborn of course, but I was beyond happy to have a sweet little baby to cuddle and hold. One of the rules that my aunt put into place was that I must keep my distance and keep quiet while the munchkin slept. This was super hard for me because I just wanted to play with that adorable baby.
One day, my auntie caught me gently pinching my sweet cousin to wake him up so I could hold him. He awoke and let out a cry. She admonished me strongly about what a very bad little girl I was and angrily wondered aloud how I could pinch such a precious little infant. My aunt was protecting her child and I cannot blame her.
However, I (this 7-year-old lover of babies) felt horrible, took her words and tone personally, turned them into shame and filed them in my heart for future use. Even after all these years, thinking back on this experience, I literally physically felt the shame in my body, my stomach was sick, and I thought I was going to throw up. I realized that I had held this shame and disappointment of myself in my heart and belly for over 55 years, and when my ego felt it was appropriate, allowed shame to direct my feelings and actions, or possibly inactions!
Although, I had not thought about it overtly, the false belief that “I am a very bad person” was there, holding me back from fully expressing love and holding me back from shining my light as brightly as it was intended to shine.
I processed this over a day or two and realized that I was just a child behaving as a child does, my intentions were pure, even though it was a mistake to pinch my sweet cousin. I chose to forgive myself and release the false belief and shame I held onto with love and understanding for all involved.
These kinds of realizations help me to understand myself a little more. I know that I had a tendency as a child, to internalize the scolding’s I received and hold onto them longer than necessary.
I don’t think that I’m alone here, many of us take criticism very personally, even as adults (that’s another life lesson and blog post).
What’s important though, is not to minimalize these memories or baggage or whatever you want to call them. Often, there’s pain, some tears, or at least an uncomfortable feeling associated with them. Don’t keep putting the fear and pain away, or stuffing it down even further.
Face it! Work through it, and shed it.
I’m proud of myself for not stuffing my pain back down but facing and dealing with it, so I could let go of the shame and self-judgement and move on. I do feel better. Like myself a little more. Understand myself a little better. Walk a little taller. Love a little bigger. Shine a little brighter (like a Gecko).
Love is ALL there is!