I Hope We Dance!

An impromptu visit from my adult daughter this weekend demonstrated to me, once again, that “Love is ALL there is”.

The mother-daughter relationship is deep, complex, and emotional – yes, a dance, of sorts.

If we allow it, it is easy to let old baggage, differences, and small irritations grow and develop into a huge cavern between us – making it impossible to stay in step with one another.

There are many explanations for this mother-daughter phenomenon, but we can talk about that another time. Today, I wish to share that it’s absolutely possible and worth working towards a meaningful and quality relationship with our daughters and mothers.
Both of us, my daughter, Amy and I, valuing and prioritizing our relationship above many other things (such as control, looking good to the outside world, self-centeredness, and being right), has allowed us to grow our patience, skills, and love.

It wasn’t always that way. There were many nights I lay in bed worrying and concerned. Praying that we would find our way through our differences. Hoping we would find our “dance” and move in stride once again.

Like most great things, it has taken time, effort, cooperation and forgiveness. It’s a process. I think I can say with certainty that we have experienced, at least momentarily, every emotion in the book, as a result of an interaction with the other.

It has taken time. We learned to close our mouths….open our eyes….our ears….our minds….our hearts.

As a result, we learned more about ourselves and each other….and it made all the difference. It’s not an easy process. New habits and practices take time and require adjustments. However, it’s well worth it!

My brilliant, creative, and kind daughter has her own mind and ideas. In so many ways we are alike. I am grateful that she uses her brain to think for herself and also develops her own ideas and opinions. Many of which, are quite different than mine.

I’ve learned to close my mouth, open my eyes, my ears, my mind, and my heart. I listen and learn who she is.

I understand where she’s coming from, even if I sometimes don’t agree with everything.
I respect this unique human being. I am in awe of her imperfect perfection.

I am grateful that Amy does the same with me. We have learned to meet in the middle, synthesize if you will. Understand that each has valid, ethical principles. Love each other because of them and/or in spite of them.

As a result, I enjoyed every moment of my weekend with my daughter! We planned and ate healthy meals, tousled with the dogs, went shopping, played games, and took on a magnificent day trip.

Like cherished and trusted friends, we discussed our deepest thoughts, concerns and joy. Watching and listening to her enthusiastically share her life, gave me insight to her and to myself and adoration for this faithful, loving and passionate soul sitting in front of me.

I am grateful for this relationship we continue to evolve….based in common values and LOVE.

Yes, it’s worth it! I’m a better person because I persevere, I reflect and understand my own responsibilities in building healthy relationships, I learn new communication skills, and I do the damn work. When needed, I set aside my controlling ego. So does she.

We are truly blessed.

I am reminded that when it comes down to it, LOVE is ALL there is. It is the source of my joy and happiness. It is the foundation of my spiritual values.

Amy, if you’re reading this, I know we’ll dance. We’ll dance every way, but our favorite will be free-lanced, no practiced or recited movements. We’ll both do our own thing and somehow, it’ll work in sync and perfect rhythm like it was meant to be, from the very beginning. I love you…more….to the ends of the Universe and back a million trillion times!

LOVE is ALL there is!

Diana