A Beautiful Mess

Jan 13, 2023


Good Day and Welcome to 2023!

Feeling overwhelmed and burnt out from life’s traumas, I stepped back for awhile because life hit me hard in 2022 and taking a mental health break was the ticket to not only surviving but thriving.

Every now and then, we experience a series of unfortunate events, like I did in 2022.  It was one traumatic thing after another for about half a year.  It happens that way occasionally and this time, it was tough, but I was more prepared than ever before.

Starting with the tragic death of a young neighbor boy who helped us with our yard, then the painful loss of one of my dearest friend’s brother who was also a husband and father of two young children, to the stress of selling our home and preparing to move, my partner’s scary spinal surgery (three surgeries in two days) and continuing complicated and painful recovery, then my son’s life-threatening saddle embolism, my partner’s post-surgical blood clots, then the insurance company’s denial of coverage,  next the professional mover’s cancelling the move a week before it was scheduled, the exhaustion of having to figure it out myself, finally actually making the emotional move from the state I have lived in all my 65 years to the new one we have chosen, and lastly the most difficult, after arriving here only six days prior, my brother suffering a seizure, our weeklong heartbreaking vigil at his bedside and his subsequent passing.

I don’t have to spell it out – this is hard stuff even for the most healthy, balanced and prepared human being…which I’m not…YET.  Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do.

As I stepped through this challenging time of my life, I walked in peace and especially, gratitude… and that made all the difference in how I more soundly crossed to the other side of chaos. 

They say that often, we are on autopilot as we experience trauma.  It’s like suddenly we’re gifted the superpower we need to survive. I bet you’ve heard of super power life-altering experiences during a traumatic experience like these here -

  • A mother unexplainably lifts hundreds of pounds of steel to release and save her child.
  • A blind man makes his way through his neighbors burning house to somehow save him.
  • Another man superhumanly swims in freezing water to save another and so on….

While not quite as jaw-dropping as these examples, I was acutely aware that I was going through some crazy life shitola and somehow, I was super-powerfully and tenaciously stepping up to each of my challenges.  

I’m not sure how, but I calmly handled one difficult issue after the other.  I didn’t have time to process, much less, reflect on the experience before another challenge reared its ugly head. 

What I do know is this –

  • My prior self-development journey and my growing love for myself helped me to take a few small steps in the midst of the chaos, to somewhat nurture and comfort myself -
  1. Prioritizing what was most important right now and focusing only on that so it was quite so overwhelming
  2. Taking a moment for deep breaths when it was just too much
  3. Chasing away fearful thoughts and replacing them with empowering ones. If anyone can do this, it’s me.
  4. Taking 15-minute breaks to re-energize and refocus
  5. When alone and possible, giving myself an outlet to release some negative energy (scream in the car, repeatedly hit the bed with a pillow…and spurt a few choice words).
  • I walked in a bubble of sacred gratitude that allowed me to smile, laugh and see all the gifts I was experiencing. It sounds kind of strange in this hard situation, but it was like I was a magnet attracting generosity, support and love from others – friends, family, neighbors I hadn’t even met and even complete strangers.
  • It was and is critical for me to take time to patiently reflect on and learn from my experiences, grieve my losses and heal my wounds to move forward as the person I wish to be.

Here’s one example of a random act of kindness that I gave myself.

At one point, when the first leg of our new adventure was complete - our belongings on their way to the state of Washington, our loved home empty and clean for its’ new owners, my son recuperating from near death, my partner still in the hospital recovering from surgery, our dogs and I in our temporary Airbnb home, I laid down in the unfamiliar bed for my first night, emotionally spent and physically debilitated.

I was empty. Intensely longing for comfort.  Not sure where to get it.  My scrambled brain considered old go-to’s– eating deliciously satisfying fudgesicles, watching a heartwarming moving, calling a loved one or numbing my mind at the casino. I knew none of these would work.  None would make me feel better. None would fill the deep emptiness.  All this 65-year-old spirit yearned for was her mommy!  I wished my mom was alive and here to comfort me.

That’s when I knew she was.

Laying there on my side, closing my eyes I visualized my loving momma lying beside me, her arms wrapped around me tightly, whispering comforting words as only she could. My mom told me everything was going to be alright.  She said that I was strong.  I did a great job!  It’s time to rest my body, soul and spirit.  She loved me beyond this world.  I relished in this absolute peace for minutes. Goose bumps popped up, tears flowed, my heart was filled, my racing mind slowed, and I was blessed with love and comfort. What an amazing gift I received!  I slept ten invigorating hours and woke to a positive outlook and peaceful spirit.

Folks, life is f***ing hard sometimes.  It takes more strength than we think we have.  I’ve spent months processing, healing and learning about myself…and I know I have many more to come. I’m a beautiful mess. It’s a process, you know.

Welcoming 2023 is cathartic.  Every new year is a new beginning.  A new me.  Evolved, healing and scarred.  It still excites me, and I hope it always does.

Love is ALL there is.





This episode was produced and marketed by the Get Known Service

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